light in the tunnel of a winter dark

There is calm as the snow climbs window sills and flat surfaces, white on white on white. Welcome to Winter, MTL it suits you just fine. A clean change from shades of grey. 

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everything imploded: a socially etarded weekend, an email scam, a terrible (un)dress, a possibly-usurped job (by a to-be baby's daddy?!?), an inexcusable application blunder, and the usual doses of existential angst that pull me undertow. 

(Breathe into a bag) What am I doing with my life? What is my life doing for my life? 

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Last week Janelle and I sat about her empty house, drank red wine, spoke, literally for hours, about nothing - everything - nothing, and realized at the end of it all that we are both alone over here; we are all we have. 

The realization was scary (also a tad overdramatic), but we laughed/loathed about the state of our pathetic weekly dates with each other and the lack of SOMETHING in our lives that makes us want to keep living. 

Alternately, we have both been mad about town.

Lo and behold, a mere two days after languishing on her comforter talking doom and gloom,we rode the metro in the morning as the sun was rising, the birds were singing, and people were on their ways to work at wee hours after a wild night of Montreal madness. It was quite funny and quite fucked up. Wild-eyed, lipstick-smeared, at least we are alive. Well, but weathered; morale in a questionable state, lonely for our friends who have left or stayed behind. 

visit. return. 

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Are we doomed? Is J'check doomed? Probable. Head over to the manstream.

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Sorry about all of this, really. I have been attempting to bring "blogging" back into my life in some meaningful way,that is both more than business and absolute business.  It's difficult to disassociate editing for paper and writing for pleasure these days. This is the in-between moment, so forgive the hiccups in prose and points, as I am sure this whole post makes me sound staccato and strung out. right? right.

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no love lost, LOCO